this beer tastes like vomit already
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
