walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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