long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
