Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
