Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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