I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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