i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
