We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
