I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
