this just has baby written all over it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
