when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
