We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
