So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
