Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
