Where are you?
In a non slutty way
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
