You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
