6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
