Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Soap is not a condiment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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