I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
