he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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