onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
