Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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