nut hugger
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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