Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found your dick twin last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
