My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
