He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
