So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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