i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
