where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
