he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
