how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
