Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
