So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are the jesus of drinking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
