I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
