My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
