the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
