OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
