don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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