I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
why is half of my head shaved?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
