hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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