Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
