she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
