I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
