I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
