last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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