You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
