What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
