I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Couch. On fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
