It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just gift wrapped bread.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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