currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
