headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
