I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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