Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
