Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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