He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
